CSOTD 12/10/16: Not exactly a Hallmark moment

One of my guilty pleasures this time of the year is watching some of those wonderfully cheesy made-for-TV movies that fill the Hallmark Channel. I admit that many of the plots are contrived and about as realistic as fake snow, but there’s something about love finding its way despite various obstacles – which seems to be the message of most of these flicks – that gets to me, as I’ve only rarely been so fortunate, and not in recent years (and probably never again).

One of these movies, which I first saw in 2015, had the most un-Christmas-like theme song. It was recorded before the film was made (2013) and seems to have nothing to do with the movie except a shared title and shared star – “I’m Not Ready for Christmas” by Alicia Witt. It is my Christmas Song of the Day for December 10.

Witt (born 1975) is best known as an actress; at the age of 7, she appeared in the film Dune, and you also may have seen her in such varied movies as Mr. Holland’s Opus and Vanilla Sky. Also, she was one of the stars of the TV series Nashville.

Early on, though, Witt was an accomplished pianist and vocalist, and she never completely gave up music. In 2013, she teamed with alternative rocker Ben Folds to record an album’s worth of songs, which finally saw wide release in 2015 under the title Revisionary History. One of these songs was “I’m Not Ready for Christmas,” a joyous anti-holiday rant that was posted to YouTube in 2013. Evidently, Hallmark saw it and optioned the title for one of its Christmas films, in which Witt starred. In the film, Witt is a pathological liar whose daughter has one wish for Christmas: She wants her mom to always tell the truth. Well, a magical Santa grants the wish, with both hilarious and cringe-worthy results. As this is a Hallmark movie, everything turns out fine in the end for everyone, and love finds its way.

But the song isn’t like that at all. In fact, it exists in both explicit and “clean” versions because of the use of a couple of George Carlin’s seven words. Regardless, it’s still a great song to celebrate the Scrooge and Grinch that can fester in all of us this time of the year. Here’s the “clean” version…

And here’s the original explicit version (NSFW):

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